While I’ve probably had many experiences with saying “yes” to things I was not prepared for, there is one experience that stands out to me. I guess that’s because to this day I’m still bothered by it. Before I graduated high school in 2021, I was looking at colleges and I was accepted to two art schools that I had dreamed of attending. However, I found out I was not ready. It was not that my art was lacking, or that the work was beyond my abilities. It was that I was not mentally ready. I went straight into college with severe mental health issues which I did not get help for. I did not want to reach out to anyone, not even a close friend. The truth is that I was ashamed. I eventually started talking to a counselor on campus, but it was too late. I was drowning in school work and mental health issues. I only attended for one semester. I had to withdraw because I am convinced that I would have met a grim end if I had stayed there. While I still learned things and my art has improved significantly, leaving still made me feel like a failure even though it was for my own good. Because I know that success was in reach. I always tell myself that maybe if I had reached out sooner, if I had done more to improve my mental health, if I had tried a little harder, then maybe my dreams wouldn’t have slipped through my fingers. I was given a large scholarship upon being accepted which I felt that I had wasted. In fact, I had wasted the majority of my experience since all I did was lie down in my dorm room and decay for hours. I was not the best version of myself, and so I did not bring my best work to my classes. I ended up taking a gap year after I withdrew from the school to improve myself. I did end up improving myself, considering I’m alive and giving college another try. I still have not given up on art school completely, I just think there are useful things that I can learn from the graphic design program, even if my desired career path is not designing logos and Icons. Graphic design can still get me a step closer to getting my foot in the door to the career I plan to pursue. While I plan to complete the program, I also still plan to pursue art school again and do things right. My art school has still given me the opportunity to come back (with certain requirements of course, since my grades were literal garbage when I left). I plan to come back stronger, and not to let my mental health consume me as it often does. I was not ready for the challenge at the time, but that doesn’t mean I’ll never be ready. The bridges are not burned, and the doors are not closed for good yet.
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