College is always a daunting and negative subject for me. I’d felt incapable. I had an assortment of learning disabilities growing up and could not read cohesively till the end of 4th grade. I’d grown up in special ED classes, I had this notion that I wouldn’t be smart enough for higher education. I’d gone to a private school and learned how to read and made up the skills I’d lost.
the stressers where:
-how much it wouldcost me
_ would i be able to handel it
-would i be smart enoguht
My anxiety had been bubbling all of my freshman year of high school, and by the time I was picking my classes for junior year, I’d had enough. I felt so scared that my past self wouldn’t be able to handle the future, and I was sick of living in self-made fear.
I didn’t think one bit, that I was ready to go to college. Covid-19 pandemic started when I was in 9th grade and I hadn’t learned anything in my online classes. My mom didn’t think it was the best idea, to throw yourself into something you’ve been having anxiety about for months on end. But I knew that if I didn’t do the early college program I would think about it constantly.
Truthfully I wasn’t ready. I had no idea how closed off I would be from my peers, and how difficult my collage history class would be on my mental health. It ended up being the secluded social aspect of it all that lead me to go back to high school part time after the first quarter of community college. Since I was still taking part time collage classes I then found out about this porgram. In the long game it ended up being the right move.
threw this, I learned instead of overthinking and having anxiety about something, to just take the risk when you had the opportunity. Allowing yourself to be uncomfortable long enough to completely change your day-to-day. Its daunting, but with a big picture mentality it was the right decision.