Here is a pdf of this week’s assignment in Google Sheets, followed by a link to the full spreadsheet.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/15e8Xte-koO1Eew3pD4-wmqFVchVzU2q9I0tLEzs4ucE/edit#gid=0

TL;DR is above, but for anyone who wants all the gruesome details of my life this week, read on. It starts with basic timeline tracking, but by the end, devolves into a full-blown rant, as you will see. I posted it and then deleted it out of embarrassment last night, but the fact is: it came from a (brutally) honest place and deserves to be in this post.

Saturday

Wake up at 7

Guests coming this w/e from Portland, so rush to put new mattresses on guest beds, make guest beds and bake pumpkin muffins+make crm chz frosting for son’s soccer game snacks

Wake Aspen (son) at 8 and make breakfast for 3

Run around Green Lake with Cory from 9-10, shower

Pick up weekend guests (Chelsea and Liam) from King St train station at 11

Head straight home and get Liam and Chelsea situated in rooms, feed them lunch after train ride

Head to soccer game at 1

Home at 3

Visit with Chelsea 3-4:30

4:41 send msg to Barry Sevig, expressing my mild annoyance at him for ghosting me on Friday after he suggested we meet up at the end of the wk, telling him I’d still like to be friends and be able to discuss design, SCCA, work, workflow tips, travels, kids, custody BS, etc

4:45 regret sending msg, oops

Grocery shopping 4:50-4:45

Make dinner until 6

Eat until 7

More visiting, then work on sketches for Jason 8-8:30

Aspen bedtime + reading routine 8:30 – 9:15

Unwind and talk with Chelsea, make sure she and Liam have everything they need for the evening- 9:30- 10:30

Sleep

Sunday

Wake up at 7, stare out the window like a zombie

Collect and start laundry at 7:15

Wake kid and make him quick snack at 7:45

Marie (supervisor) picks up my son for 2-hour supervised visit with his dad 8am (which is the only time he is not in my care- every other week on Sunday)

9am pick up pastries and coffees for brunch with overnight guests from Honore Bakery

9:30 eat breakfast

10am-12:30 drive to teach hour-long piano lesson, then half hour piano lesson (10:30-11:30a, 11:45-12:15p, then guests pick me up, then home), meanwhile, guests take car over to Ballard fmr’s mkt

12:45p lunch of leftovers

1:30p take guests to King St train stn by 2pm, say goodbyes

2:30 zoom call with brother Ben to go over some coding and web design tips and tricks, continually getting interrupted by my son and my partner, both of whom I have been largely neglecting

3-3:45 keep working on website, get bogged down b/c exhaustion and frustrating dead ends

4p start dinner

5:30p change over and fold laundry

6p eat

7p-9p kid bath time, quick room tidy, storytime, bedtime

9-9:30 drink some green tea and ponder the meaning of life

9:45 collab with Kris on web design, VSCode, frequently get stuck

THREE AM- finally go to bed, after completely rabbit-holing on the coding stuff, arguably the most regrettable thing I do all week

Monday

7:15 wake up, shower

7:25-8:15a the usual ABSOLUTE MAD SCRAMBLE to get kid up and dressed and collected and fed and his lunch made and drive him to school and drop him off and back home, get my sh*t together, remember something important after I’m out the door and halfway down the block, run back, then out the door again to catch the light rail, just missing the usual 8:30 train, then forced into running up all the train stn flights of stairs and school flights of stairs to arrive in Erik’s class at the stroke of 9am, feeling extremely groggy and only somewhat prepared to present website project with Kris

9-2 Erik’s class

2-2:30: design history research project

2:30-4: edit restaurant promo video for Friday class, continuing to (trial by fire) teach myself basic proficiency in Premier Pro, hoping that Ben (Masters, not brother) won’t be too let down

4:15 train home, scoop my son from folks’ house (didn’t make it in time for bus stop pickup, obv)

4:30: get home, make snack for Aspen, help him with his reading homework, say yes to playdate with his buddies

4:50-5:30: on duty hosting 2 neighbor kids, halfway working on research proj but also just zoning out staring out the window

5:30 make dinner

6:30 watch half an episode of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” with my kid, who is obsessed

7:15-8:45 kid bedtime routine

9-11 somewhat more focused work on the design history project and sketches, but still exhausted and distracted by episodes of Gilmore Girls being watched by my partner next to me. Send some more sketches to Jason at 10:35p

11-1:30am try to sleep but can’t, mind racing, weirdly fixated on Caroline Polachek’s performance of “Dang” on the Late Show, as well as Leonor Fini and Margaret McDonald Mackintosh, who I stumbled on while researching Art Deco mvmt, (but of course I went rabbit-holing into prominent women artists in Surrealism, Modernism, Art Nouveau, and other topics), so I read a bunch more about them, then remember there is actually required reading for Gabriel’s class, so I get about halfway through it

Tuesday

7:00-8:25 same as yesterday, ALWAYS AN ANXIETY-INDUCING MAD SCRAMBLE

9-2 Gabriel’s class, during which time I mostly pay attention while freaking out about all the things I have to get done this week

2:15-7 AND HERE’S WHERE IT STARTS TO GET UGLY

Get feedback from Jason on latest sketches, submit to him what I hope are final sketches ready for approval (*about the same time another student submits hers, btw- she is across the rm from me. She almost immediately hears back, receiving approval.)

I do not hear from Jason, so I get started with solutions in Illustrator, staying at school working on them late because I can’t remember a damn thing I have learned in Illustrator and I’d rather act like I’ve never touched it before, apparently.

I print out what I have, am about to finally leave school, and at last I receive msg back from Jason at 6:36pm, stating:

“Getting closer, but I am not completely convinced that Fast and slow is as successful as it could be.”

Quickly becoming infuriated, I decide it’s time to go home, but not before responding to his email with the following: 

“Hi Jason, I had to move ahead with the project, as I have specific windows I can dedicate to schoolwork (7 y/o at home, part time work outside of school). Below is where I landed with solutions, but I will go back and work on fast/slow sketches this evening, hopefully hear from you in time to make edits in Illustrator tonight and print prior to class tomorrow.”

[enclosed screenshot of illustrator file]

I submit several more solutions as soon as I return home, but hear nothing from him before class the next day. I complete my second set of solution attempts in Illustrator painfully early the next morning, the work is going slowly and sloppily, with only a glimmer of faint hope that is quickly overshadowed by the sinking feeling that I am continuing to miss the mark and furthermore, that my brain works NOTHING like Jason’s, that our communication styles completely mismatch, and IDK how tf I’m going to survive that class or this program. FULL STOP.

Next day: USUAL MORNING SHITSHOW getting my boy ready for/delivered to school. Inevitably I am running late so I reach out to Kris, hoping he can possibly do me a favor and print my second set of solutions if he’s already at school, which he kindly does (thank you, Kris).

I arrive for class, and am now shaking and crying, exceedingly frustrated, losing it, and finding it impossible to pull myself together for most of the duration of critique and Jason’s class, feeling like if I have to hear him say, “to make ____, SIMPLY _____” one more time, I might actually explode. Also getting frustrated by my perfectly lovely classmates who somehow solved these same word sets using single lines, or simple circles with dashes, a long time ago. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong. I don’t get it. I worked with 3 shifting variables, thinking it would be an interesting approach. It seems he only wanted there to be one variable. I wish he would have stated that directly. I failed the exercise. I may well fail the class. I channel my feelings by drawing grumpy looking (but should be cheerful, it’s for an elementary school) marmots due the following day for Jill’s logo project. None are usable, if I’m being honest. But I have at least 20 more to do in the morning, so maybe something magical will happen then.

Turns out I survive the day, but not without a lot of tears and frustration and doubt and wondering wth I’m doing trying to be a mom, a music teacher, a partner- while trying to make it through this program alive.

My partner, who has been picking up way more than his share of slack on the home front, wants me to get groceries and cook dinner, apparently not recognizing that I am a quivering, sobbing mess who is incapable of anything but basic survival for the remainder of the day. He takes my son to soccer practice while I order takeout from Korean Tofu House (highly recommend) and I go pick it up in time for their return from soccer an hour later.

Not hungry, I soon devolve into tears again, finally calling my mom, who tries in vain to be reassuring (*side note, I do legitimately struggle with a mood disorder, and stress/overwhelm affect me differently than many).

Crash hard around 10pm.

I think Wednesday happened somewhere in there but I’m still not sure.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Thursday

Wake up at 5am with the mantra: Today is a new day. Today is a new day. Today is a new day.

I complete as many logo sketches as possible before waking my son at 7 (I wound up with about 27/30, hating 99% of them)

ABSOLUTE SHITSHOW/MAD SCRAMBLE as usual getting my son and myself launched, nonstop action until I show up, out of breath for Jill’s class, at 9:02, having been unable to upload my sketches to her project slideshow.

Sit down and quickly convert .heic photo files into something more compatible. Just in time for group critique. Make it through class but barely.

Complete and send sketch to Jason for next Illustrator project. A very organically-shaped and reflective glass pitcher. Immediately wonder why I chose that object, when I could have picked a can of soup.

More work on Ben’s project after class, communicating to Shayne all the edits that will need to be made to my video and audio sometime tonight, hoping I’m not making him feel like I felt yesterday, BUT ALSO hoping the project gets done in a timely and successful manner.

Write a conclusion for Ben class final project, hoping it is met with grp/teacher approval, but also no longer caring that much.

Marc walks in and tells us all that we shouldn’t exhaust ourselves. We will never make it if we are too tired to do anything well, or to enjoy life.

I am too tired to do anything well or enjoy life. 

Sorry guys, but there will be no infographics.

Maybe an excel spread later tonight if I get to it but absolutely no promises.

Fin.