I’ve lived in 3 different states in the last 15 years. A lot of my experiences of saying yes through these years were in times I was least ready, but they have brought many pivotal life changes. Some good, some bad, but all a lesson nonetheless.
One that stands out concretely in my mind is the day I was asked to try out for a band by an individual, Mike, I had not previously met. My (then) partner Sean was acquaintances with Mike through the Minneapolis music scene, where I had just relocated to from Oakland that same year. Mike and Sean had ran in the same circles and played many a show together.
When Mike approached me to try out to be a vocalist in his already established sludge metal band, Former Worlds, I was quick to give a firm no. I had never once attempted to sing in front of people, let alone growl like a metal vocalist. It was insanely intimidating to think about making ridiculous screaming noises in front of strangers. So I turned the opportunity down and went about my business.
Sean was my best friend. We did everything together and enjoyed many of the same activities. Most of our time together consisted of playing Magic, riding bikes, or making noise and playing instruments in his basement. Lots of times until daybreak. Still, I never once had it in my mind to be in a band. I wasn’t a musician, and I sure as hell didn’t know what I was doing.
Little did I know, Mike was in a conversation with Sean about asking me to join Former Worlds. Mike was quite persistent and asked Sean to give me a little encouraging push to give the audition a try. One night I had arrived at Sean’s house for our normal night of hanging out, playing music and probably playing some rounds of Magic. He greeted me with a 6 pack of my favorite beer and told me to crack one open. And another one. And maybe even another one after that, because apparently we were headed to the practice room to learn how to do vocals. I was not enthralled, but I obliged.
It took me an entire hour before I could let out a single sound. Sean was patient and accommodating; playing guitar in the adjacent room with a 30’ long guitar cable so he could not physically see me when I finally attempted to scream… because I simply could not be watched while doing something so ridiculous.
Sean’s encouragement and support meant everything to me. He wouldn’t stop talking me up and motivating me until he saw me succeed. This eventually led to me joining Former Worlds, where I am still an active member, and it has given me some of the most memorable moments I’ve had in life. It’s even the reason I eventually landed 1700 miles away from home in a new city I had never been before- but had a built in community through friends I had met through tour and performing through the next 4 years. Without uprooting my life and giving a new city a shot, I wouldn’t be in this program today and be giving myself the chance at a better future.
Sean passed away in an accident about a year into our relationship, and while that loss still deeply hurts, I am so lucky he pushed me to saying yes to something I wasn’t confident enough to say yes to myself. I’m thankful for him everyday and try to keep in mind saying “yes” more often, despite feelings of uncertainty, can lead to paramount life changes. I will forever take comfort in knowing whenever I do say “yes”, wherever Sean is he is rooting me on.
Former Worlds first release: Photos of Eve IX-XVI. Letter pressed CD case designed and printed by me. March 18, 2017 
Sean and I 